“I am doing a new thing.”

Catchy, right?  My new things have included wearing all black (too hot), giving up sugar (too delicious), riding my bike everywhere (too many hills), running (blew my knee), going without all social media (um, hello, I have a blog), veganism (no cheese/no way), vegetarianism (they don’t eat meat?!)…  Lots of ‘isms.

After losing 40 pounds and then regaining 10 15 20 an undisclosed amount of weight, it was time for a new, “new thing.”

That’s how the #100daysofsalad thing was born.  So, I said it:

I’m doing a new thing where I only eat salad for 100 days.

After I use the catchphrase, there’s a dramatic pause where I wait for whoever is standing there to react.  People used to react appropriately with questions, or encouragement, or advice… but I’ve overused the catch phrase so much, the general reaction is no reaction.  I might get an “eyeroll” depending on who’s home.  This time, I got dead air, so I had to elaborate.

I said I’m doing a new thing where I only eat salad for 100 days, so I guess you won’t need to make my dinner anymore.  Because 100 days takes me to the end of summer.  So, yeah.

A reaction came.  It was, “OK.”

Well, that was all the encouragement I needed, so I proceeded to make huge salads every morning around 10 am and that was it for my day.  The first few days I ate the ginormous salad in one sitting, but over kale time, I realized I should break that big salad into two or three meals.

Because by day three?  I looked about Twelve.  Months.  Pregnant.

Apparently, our post-Garden-of-Eden bodies don’t really know what to do with that much roughage.

So they just don’t do anything with it.  It turns into an air-baby and you start to swell and make really strange noises.  I’m sort of an internet doctor, so I went to Dr. Google/my colleague for advice.  He said I needed a probiotic.  I pushed my 12-month-old air-baby into the minivan and sped down to my pharmacy, Trader Joe’s.

Probiotics are expensive, y’all.  That’s because they know they’ve got you where they want you (in pain).

They worked.  Let’s not elaborate but — my problem was solved.

Over.  And Over.  Again.

When I emerged from… resting, I realized I should probably break the salads up with some other food once in awhile.  I took one full day off, and since then I’ve had some Graduation Party Cake (only polite), and one cheeseburger outing.  I mix it up with Greek yogurt and diet Pepsi once in awhile, but I’m really trying.

Because being skinnier than you don’t count. Healthy is important to me.

It’s my NEW THING.