The one where I’m a hypochondriac. Or Dying.

Little known fact:  I’m a hypochondriac.

Currently, I believe I have mono (I don’t), strep (no chance) and chronic fatigue syndrome (just lazy).

I do have narcolepsy, though.

That’s a real thing.  I know, because I fall into a deep, coma-like sleep every single time I try to read on my iPad.  I mean, every time.  Typically, I raise the iPad up to begin reading, scroll-scroll-scroll to wherever I left off the night before, and then:  WHAM!  There’s an iPad slapping me in the face.

That sucker’s heavy, too.  I don’t have the iPad Air, you know.  I have the full-on dinosaur, first-release, fat iPad.  The iConcussion.

Back to my (undiagnosed) narcolepsy.  Here’s what I’ve found on WebMD: Continue reading

70s Once More {dinner}

It may interest you to know that I have a reputation as a “Food Nazi.”  I like to tell other people what not to eat, particularly while I’m dieting suffering myself.  My general spiel goes something like this.

“Wow.  Are you really going to eat that?”

The response is usually:

  • “I worked out for like 5 hours today.”
  • “I only eat carbs on the third Thursday of Solstice in a leap year.”
  • “I’m not eating it, it’s for a friend.  I’m going to regurgitate it for her later.”
  • “Shut Up.”
  • “Why?”

They really hope their response wasn’t, “Why,” because I can provide lengthy explanations. Continue reading

Jesus Calling {true story}

I never answer my phone, in fact I’m sort of hated known for it. I mean, I’d answer for John Cusack for sure… Rick Springfield… Adam Levine…   It’s a short list.

So imagine my surprise when I was ignoring screening a call yesterday, and my Caller ID’s robotic voice said,  ”Je-sus Chr-ist.”  I looked around at no one there and said, “Did that phone just say Jesus Christ?”  I was curious.

Not curious enough to answer, mind you, but curious.

I forgot about it until later that day when I saw the message light flashing.  There it was:  Jesus Christ (cue angels singing).

Wanting a logical explanation, I did what anyone would do in this situation, and consulted the experts:   Facebook.  Turns out? Continue reading