It may interest you to know that I have a reputation as a “Food Nazi.” I like to tell other people what not to eat, particularly while I’m dieting suffering myself. My general spiel goes something like this.
“Wow. Are you really going to eat that?”
The response is usually:
- “I worked out for like 5 hours today.”
- “I only eat carbs on the third Thursday of Solstice in a leap year.”
- “I’m not eating it, it’s for a friend. I’m going to regurgitate it for her later.”
- “Shut Up.”
They really hope their response wasn’t, “Why,” because I can provide lengthy explanations.
Which isn’t to say I’m in good shape, I’m just an excellent Googler.
My kids are particularly weary in this department, and last night I finally decided it was summer, and I’d throw them a bone. Of course, by bone I meant a 70′s style dinner. I was raised in the 70s, a blissful time when we had Absolutely. No. Idea.
The 70s is the decade we invented foods like:
- Microwave Popcorn
- Hamburger Helper
- Cup O’Noodles
- Stove Top Stuffing
- Pop Rocks
- and the list goes on
For our 70′s dinner, I made prepackaged lasagna, dinner rolls from a bag (the bad, white-flour, fiberless kind), wedge salad with dressing from a bottle (and fake bacon bits), cookies from a mix and vanilla ice cream. We also drank (full-sugar) rootbeer from glass bottles.
I regret not making Jello.
Well, as you’d imagine it was pretty gross. The kids didn’t mind, but it wasn’t exactly a “treat,” either. Oh, and we managed to spill not one but TWO bottles of sticky soda during the meal somehow. Must have been all hopped-up on sodium.
What have we learned? Not much, really. Other than a little bloating and a carb-coma, we survived. We probably have cancer now, but no one barfed or anything. So there’s that.
I will admit to speeding to the store this morning for fresh berries and free-range everything.
Can I re-lose the same 20 pounds? Yes. Will I? Not sure. Would settle for 10.
These things I know:
- drink tons of water before eating
- fat’s not the enemy, sugar is
- sugar is in everything. ev-er-y-thing.
- cheat days are stupid
- go to bed hungry
- muscle burns fat/I don’t have any
- no one ever lost 25 pounds by knitting
- 10K steps a day — need to charge my Fitbit
- overweight leads to depression
- cars are for fat people. ride the bike.
- protein makes you lean/carbs make you jiggly
- I’ve been fat, I’ve been thin/thin is better
- food journals work (myfitnesspal is free)
Here’s one potential danger during weight loss: losing weight in the wallet. I have a tendency to buy every gadget, vitamin, fat burning pill, book, cookbook, wii fit game, etc. etc. Can’t do that — being broke is just adding to the problem. No WW online, no Nutrisystem meals (sorry Marie Osmond), no (more) JumpstartMD.
More Nike: Just Do It
The scale isn’t everything, but it’s something. My clothes fit, that’s the weird thing. I mean the skinny clothes fit — obviously not like they did, but they fit and that means this new weight is simply distributed in odd places. I’m guessing upper arms, rear end… face… Things you don’t put in your jeans.
Also, stretch denim is an evil liar.